Its been a month I didn't update anything on my blog. I'm sorry, readers. Busy w school stuff and yes, perasaan malas menguasai diri lagi lol. By the way, on ze 17th april we all have tried our best. Even tak masuk final, we're still okay 'cause we've played as well as we can that day, sampai muka semua habis legam lah. Hehe. However, our netball team forever awesome & ftw. I love you all forever. (malas nak cerita panjang.)
April = Stressful month. Emotional month. Hurtful month.
Notes to myself.
"I have moved on for 2 years. I have my own special future & even better than you."
Saya rindu awak. Dah tu je. Saya tak harapkan untuk awak datang balik peluk saya macam dulu. Tapi saya rindu awak. Sumpah. Sebab awak seorang je yang sememangnya tahu macam mana nak handle saya, tahu macam mana nak pujuk & ambil balik hati saya bila saya merajuk. Dulu saya kuat sangat jealous. Terlampau. Memang. Sangat. Sangat. Like a queen control, itu tak boleh, ini tak boleh. Awak pun ikut je. Saya minta maaf. Masa tu saya terlalu sayangkan awak. Hm. Saya tak boleh tengok awak tarik tarik muka dengan budak tu, saya tak boleh tengok awak kehulur kehilir dengan budak tu depan saya. It hurts me. Tapi takkan lah saya nak pergi marah dekat muka awak? You're not mine, anymore. How sad, just if I can pause the time and go back to the old time. I miss you, too way much. No words can explain and describe how hurt I am right now. I swear to God, I will be crying thinking of the memories that we've build together for the past 3 years. Kalau boleh, saya nak pergi dekat awak, berdiri betul betul, cakap while tatap mata awak, "saya rindu awak." but I'm not that brave.
Sedih nya. Terluka nya. Terguris nya.
Past is past, there's no need to miss you from my past because there's a reason why you didn't make it to my future. I should learn how to accept it. And now, I have someone better than you, much better. Yeah. He accepted me & love me for who I am. I should more appreciate him & love him as much as I can. I'll make sure, I will hold on tight and never ever look back, again.
"There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn't the end of the world, it's the beginning of a new life."